Anecdote - Are you happy?

"I always ask him, Are you happy? Is it okay if I do this or that? Can I do this, can I do that? What you like? You like it with this or you want me to do that?

Why I always concern about his feeling? Why I always want to make him happy? I know, asking “WHY” questions can only send us in circles. But I’m in my own circle of questions… so let me go around and around for a while!

He never bothers asking about my feeling, whether I’m happy or not. Why is it? Maybe because he knows my answer, he can read my mind, he knows me very well or maybe he don’t want to hear my answer. He scared to hear my answer. He scared if he can’t do much to help me. He is helpless.

Let me ask myself… Are you happy baby? No I’m not. How are you feeling today baby? I’m sad, I’m angry & I’m depressed. What will be his reply or next questions? It’s a full stop!! The End! No further conversation. Or if at all he wants to say something that will be… I know where this leading to…

But does all my answer bothering him? Does he care about my feelings? Am I too demanding? I know he cares. Maybe he thought showering with luxury lifestyle can make me happy.

I just want him to ask how I’m feeling, how I can make you happy; I’ll do anything to make you happy baby. And continue talking about me. Wow, it’s like dreaming, I don’t know when I can get all that. I’m a believer and I want to believe that one day, I’ll get all that. But deeply inside me screaming, hopeless!

Maybe I should stop caring about him and care more about myself. How to make me happy?

In deed I’m in circle now! How do I go out?"

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