My life...

Time is running so fast. It’s passing me like lightning. So damn fast sometimes I didn’t realize that it has passed me.

My life is so boring. I go to work, come home, or sometime go to gym, and then watch TV alone. This is my weekday schedule. I should be going out and have fun, chitchatting with girlfriends, have a cup of coffee, spice up my life a bit, join NGO (maybe), do social work, but most of the time, none of those things are happening for me or maybe this is what I want, being lonely and alone. Weekend will be so much boring if I stay at home. Watch TV from morning till evening or sometimes until midnight. I feel like it’s making me crazy. This is the time I envy people who has family and kids, able to be with their love ones endlessly. I can’t be a perfect woman but hopefully able to be a mother.

"I’m not complaining you being very busy with your work, entertained clients, playing pool with your friends, your weekend football event or anything about you. I know you work so damn hard for me, make sure that I can get whatever I want and I know you’re trying so hard to be with me even only for one hour lunch break".

You know what, I only feel alive when he is around, accompanying with my shopping, spent most of our time in the gym together, in the office together, have our lunch or dinner together and travel around the world with him. That’s the only time I feel good about myself, I feel great and a lot of people envy me for that.

Envy! Sometime, we want what in other people’s shoes. But we don’t know how’s the feeling would be. It’s happen to me all the time. I’m a person who likes to ponder what it would be like to be in that person’s shoes.

Deep down inside me, I feel like he'll never want to do anything. I feel like we'll just stay like this forever but I don't seem to be able to do anything about it too. We know we need to shake stuff up but neither of us know how. I lost hopes.

Maybe I’m just worrying too much, especially about this ridiculous situation all the time and but he doesn’t seem like want me to talk about it. Keep it mum.

Well that's what I feel and what is happening in my life, in our life but I have feelings too and this life is not what I want for myself but I want my life with you.

Something needs to happen really soon... My only hope is Allah give me more strength to live, give me energy to smile.